Filthy minds (like mine) are needed on Battlestar Galactica
Perverts of the world, unite! The Cylons threaten.
You could certainly argue that I spend far, far too much time alone in my dark apartment, but as I watched DVD after DVD of Battlestar Galactica’s first two seasons, I was struck by a major continuity flaw… major, at least, for anyone not trapped in puritanical sexual mores.
(SPOILER ALERT: If you haven’t watched BSG yet — and I know I’m two years late to the game, but there are others who still haven’t explored this excellent SF series — then, well, spoilers.)
One of the central concerns of BSG is the ability of Cylons to masquerade as humans and infiltrate the rag tag fleet. Efforts to create a reliable Cylon detector have failed. Yet we do know two things:
- There are only twelve distinct models of humanoid Cylons. We have seen several copies of the Sharon Valerii model and the Number Six model, for example.
- Cylon women (and supposedly men) have spines that glow red when they are having sex (as demonstrated by lurid scenes featuring the above models). To wit:
Inexplicably, the sexual partners of these alluring Cylon spies are so wedded to conservative sexual positions that they have never seen the naked — and glowing — backs of their lovers. While I am not a raging pervert, I am certainly a man of the world, and I have in fact observed the backs of my past lovers, to the point where I can confirm that they don’t glow when we are in the throes of passion.
So, the obvious solution to rooting Cylons out of your space fleet is to have lusty doggy-style sex with the female in your life, and note the luminescence (or lack thereof) created by the sexual act. In the case of males, one would like to believe that a program as forward-thinking as BSG would provide for homosexual males, or adventurous females who can find an excuse to upend their lovers.
And remember, you only need to locate one of each of the twelve models to root out further infiltrators.
Simple! Easy! Sexy! I have all the answers here.
IMPORTANT UPDATE: Upon reflection, I note that the “reverse cowgirl” position is also effective for detecting Cylons.
October 4th, 2007 at 12:33 pm
eeew!
hey, nice site. very classy.
March 5th, 2008 at 3:18 pm
[...] we had the "Battlestar Galactica" Cylons and their spines glowing during hot Cylon sex (left). It’s inspired a lot of jokes, but they’re still drawing attention to the [...]