Aging Gracefully

I feel strange admitting this: I got a huge shopper’s rush yesterday.

It must be a sign of creeping old age and conservatism. The older I get, the simpler and more utilitarian I want my wardrobe to be. No band shirts, no paisleys, no stripes. Plain black and white. There is a unique, minimalist gratification of reaching into your closet and pulling out a garment identical to what you wore the day before. It feels… practical.

Imagine my frustration, then, trying to locate minimalist clothes in conventional stores without paying a fortune for “fashion.” Since when did simplicity, plainness, become fashion? Shouldn’t there always be a default shirt or trouser, sans any decorative flourishes?

Instead, the stores are crammed with designs, styles, patterns, ribs, weaves, logos (DO NOT get me started on clothing logos), ad nauseam. I have spent hours combing stores and websites for plain black clothes. Not goth, not “hip”. Plain. Plain plain plain.

The great irony of this search is that the retailer who had exactly what I’d been looking for in a sweater as the days grow cold is none other than the retailer who, in the 80s, symbolized bland American preppiness.

L.L. Bean.

Seriously! I know I gave up some punk political capital by typing in my credit card there. But my joy was unreserved when I discovered several plain black sweaters on their site. A choice of fabrics, even! Glee!

I hit submit and a thrill washed over me. Success! To make it even sweeter, I ordered two new pairs of pants as well. A few years ago I discovered my ideal pant: the Dickies 874BK work pant in black. Dark, dark, wrinkle free, sturdy, non-fading black. Glorious. I discovered a black blazer in a thrift store that matched the black Dickies material. Now I have no less than five pairs of 874BKs, good for work, play or a night out.

The default pant.

With some default sweaters to keep me warm.

And my collection of default black and white buttondowns, fitted to my slender frame.

I’m done clothes shopping for the rest of the decade.